Today i went into Saint Stephens Green to see the Phil Lynott exhibition, it was very good i thought well put together and about time the great man got some kind of respect, took some photo's and stuff which turned out ok considering it was just from my phone, the only downer was that i was on my own it would have been nice to have shared it with someone,
I seem to be always probably going on about love or the lack of it but it's just frustrating sometimes, over the last few months i have been trying to change and i have i have lost a lot of my anxiety and stress and feel a lot more calm about life now towards what i was, but i just want out of the bubble that i'm in and have better then i got, doesn't make a lot of sense but with work for example it's just got to the stage where i feel that i'm trapped i am just a bin man when it comes down to it, and i don't want to be there for the rest of my life but i just can't see a way out. I would with a complete dickhead who's a bully and intimidates people, but i just tend to ignore him now and not give a shite what he says, so for me thats a step up
and i have been generally pleased with the way i have improved but at the back of it all
i still want to have someone that wants to be with me, i'm a realist but am also a romantic so it's very tough at times...
Still hoping to have my own home by the end of the year so i guess for the moment that is my main goal!
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Monday, January 31, 2011
Monday 31st Jan 2011
So last night i went to Cineworld in Parnell street, to see Hereafter! i'm not going to talk about the movie, but it's the first time i have been to that place since 2009, when i was with her, we use to go there a lot nearly every Sat in fact, and it was really wonderful,not so much the films we would see, but the talks we had before them,
We would sit on the first floor looking out the window,holding each other and people watching, but also talking about the future and making a lot of promises, i would mostly do the talking and she would listen and smile,and hold me really tight, i meant everything i ever said to her in those talks. and when we broke up i just stopped doing a lot of the things that we done together like going to the cinema, or having pizza or going to other places,
It may seem stupid, but the memories where still so strong when i went there last night, it just hit home, i mean i don't want to get back with her, she's a lovely amazing woman, and i wish her well, but we had our
time, i'm just remembering again and stuff, i don't live in the past anymore like i use too, but it's just every now and then when a really strong memory comes flooding back,
when i arrived there last night, i thought i could see her standing outside smoking, but it was just a memory that made me smile. I really do wish her well, even if she is with someone now i hope she is happy, and that they give her the love she deserves,
Maybe i should be more angry but i don't see the point. Just try and live and let live and hopefully there will be someone in the future that will love me again as much as i love them.
We would sit on the first floor looking out the window,holding each other and people watching, but also talking about the future and making a lot of promises, i would mostly do the talking and she would listen and smile,and hold me really tight, i meant everything i ever said to her in those talks. and when we broke up i just stopped doing a lot of the things that we done together like going to the cinema, or having pizza or going to other places,
It may seem stupid, but the memories where still so strong when i went there last night, it just hit home, i mean i don't want to get back with her, she's a lovely amazing woman, and i wish her well, but we had our
time, i'm just remembering again and stuff, i don't live in the past anymore like i use too, but it's just every now and then when a really strong memory comes flooding back,
when i arrived there last night, i thought i could see her standing outside smoking, but it was just a memory that made me smile. I really do wish her well, even if she is with someone now i hope she is happy, and that they give her the love she deserves,
Maybe i should be more angry but i don't see the point. Just try and live and let live and hopefully there will be someone in the future that will love me again as much as i love them.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Thursday 27 Jan 2011
So today was a bit rough work wise, it just gets tiring emotionally putting up with the same shit on a daily basis, the work is ok, sometimes it can be heavy going but i don't mind that so much, it's just the people they are the kind of people that talk nice to your face and then talk about you behind your back two minutes later, maybe everywhere is like that, maybe the majority of people are like that but i don't like it, if i
do say something you get told "it's only a joke" which is fine and stuff if it was, but this is the same repeated crap all the time,and it's just not funny anymore,
Also i thought i could trust certain people in there but i know that is not the case anymore, it makes me sad that people can be so nasty and vindictive towards one another - i am no angel but if someone tells me something it stays with me,i don't go around telling other people about it and stuff, i would love to get something else but i know there isn't much else out there at the moment,
Things at home are a little tough at the moment too, it's very hard to have a positive mental attitude when one is surrounded by negativity it's hard to take oneself out of the picture because one is so involved and stuff. I probably sound like someone who is depressed all the time but i'm not it's just life
i know it's not easy and never will be, but i'm just hoping that there is a line on the horizon,not too much to ask for i hope!
do say something you get told "it's only a joke" which is fine and stuff if it was, but this is the same repeated crap all the time,and it's just not funny anymore,
Also i thought i could trust certain people in there but i know that is not the case anymore, it makes me sad that people can be so nasty and vindictive towards one another - i am no angel but if someone tells me something it stays with me,i don't go around telling other people about it and stuff, i would love to get something else but i know there isn't much else out there at the moment,
Things at home are a little tough at the moment too, it's very hard to have a positive mental attitude when one is surrounded by negativity it's hard to take oneself out of the picture because one is so involved and stuff. I probably sound like someone who is depressed all the time but i'm not it's just life
i know it's not easy and never will be, but i'm just hoping that there is a line on the horizon,not too much to ask for i hope!
Monday, January 24, 2011
Monday 24 Jan 2011
So i watched The Human Centipede, last night i'm not sure what i was expecting but it was just bad
There was nothing really new added to the film but was just overhyped and bad acting and direction i think, it was suppose to be a horror film and although the overall idea was pretty "invented" i guess it was just bad - When i was watching the deleted scene it reminded me of a Clockwork orange which was an amazing film and although very violent and hard to watch a the times, at least it was original and at the time offered something new i think,
With the Human Centipede,it felt like i was watching an original episode of Star Trek,
It's been a while since i saw a truly terrifying horror film, in an ironic way i think that real life is so hard and horrific at times that there just isn't anything that can scare me on film anymore - it's all the same idea and concept,
Not sure what i'm going to watch tonight maybe Inception,i did find this amazing DvD site last week and i nearly came in my pants it was that good, some amazing pieces on there and if i had the dough i would probably buy everything on there, but sadly i don't so i have to be careful.....
Back at the hospital tomorrow as well, should be an interesting visit i really hate going but it's something i have to do unfortunley.
There was nothing really new added to the film but was just overhyped and bad acting and direction i think, it was suppose to be a horror film and although the overall idea was pretty "invented" i guess it was just bad - When i was watching the deleted scene it reminded me of a Clockwork orange which was an amazing film and although very violent and hard to watch a the times, at least it was original and at the time offered something new i think,
With the Human Centipede,it felt like i was watching an original episode of Star Trek,
It's been a while since i saw a truly terrifying horror film, in an ironic way i think that real life is so hard and horrific at times that there just isn't anything that can scare me on film anymore - it's all the same idea and concept,
Not sure what i'm going to watch tonight maybe Inception,i did find this amazing DvD site last week and i nearly came in my pants it was that good, some amazing pieces on there and if i had the dough i would probably buy everything on there, but sadly i don't so i have to be careful.....
Back at the hospital tomorrow as well, should be an interesting visit i really hate going but it's something i have to do unfortunley.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Sunday 23 Jan 2011
Well, i didn't bother going to the cinema today, i just wasn't in the mood really - it said there was 28 going or something and i think in someways i was scared of not being noticed again - which tends to a happen a lot with me, i know it's probably my own fault i just go into a shell and be afraid of people noticing me i think. I will go to a meet up group with the movie club i am determined to for my own good, but it's just really hard, i want so much to change my life and to stop being shy and quiet but it's getting that last step out, and letting the real me go,unabashed and unafraid, i don't hate myself the way i use too i actually think that i have come along quiet a bit in the last year or so,but i just get frustrated that i can't let go,
I get afraid and stuff and feel like my opinion isn't worth while
I just want a life, as normal as one can having someone that cares and keeps in touch with me. I never really had that and i want it badly, I am ready for the next chapter i am ready to change what needs to be changed and hopefully that wont be to far away!
I get afraid and stuff and feel like my opinion isn't worth while
I just want a life, as normal as one can having someone that cares and keeps in touch with me. I never really had that and i want it badly, I am ready for the next chapter i am ready to change what needs to be changed and hopefully that wont be to far away!
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Saturday 22 Jan 2011
I have decided to start a blog, mainly just for something to do not sure how much i will update it or write but if anyone wants to leave comments or post anything please do;
I have been feeling a little down in myself lately, not sure why i knew why yesterday because of her i guess, even though i don't want to be remembering her she still pops into my head, and especially with the release of the film i am going to be constantly reminded of the last time we spoke and stuff,
It's hard i still love her and probably always will - i was remembering a conversation we had today and i am so glad that we did get to share some time with one another, but i still feel angry that it's a waste of love
right now, because then i would have done anything i could have to keep and hold onto her - at this moment in time i want to find a new love and get new memories and just be happy!
Maybe i am the type of person that needs to have someone to make them happy, but is that a bad thing? whats wrong with wanting love and sharing your life with someone?
I just get so frustrated at times that i see people all around me getting second and third chances when all i want is one.... I don't have a particular type of girl in mind i just want someone that accepts who i am and that is open to affection and love and everything that goes with it.
Tomorrow i am going to a meet up group thing it's at Cineworld in Dublin to hopefully see Black Swan, it looks like it maybe sold out so not sure if tomorrow will happen in that sense, but i will give it a go - it is such a nerve racking thing going and meeting these people but what else have i got to loose at this stage.?
I have been feeling a little down in myself lately, not sure why i knew why yesterday because of her i guess, even though i don't want to be remembering her she still pops into my head, and especially with the release of the film i am going to be constantly reminded of the last time we spoke and stuff,
It's hard i still love her and probably always will - i was remembering a conversation we had today and i am so glad that we did get to share some time with one another, but i still feel angry that it's a waste of love
right now, because then i would have done anything i could have to keep and hold onto her - at this moment in time i want to find a new love and get new memories and just be happy!
Maybe i am the type of person that needs to have someone to make them happy, but is that a bad thing? whats wrong with wanting love and sharing your life with someone?
I just get so frustrated at times that i see people all around me getting second and third chances when all i want is one.... I don't have a particular type of girl in mind i just want someone that accepts who i am and that is open to affection and love and everything that goes with it.
Tomorrow i am going to a meet up group thing it's at Cineworld in Dublin to hopefully see Black Swan, it looks like it maybe sold out so not sure if tomorrow will happen in that sense, but i will give it a go - it is such a nerve racking thing going and meeting these people but what else have i got to loose at this stage.?
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